- “Dun-kirk” – Daniel Kitson
- “But then my clitoris hasn’t been mutilated.” – Bridget Christie
- “That was wonderfully pointless.” – Will Adamsdale
- “Here’s a condom.” – Will Franken
- “Maybe it isn’t.” – Luisa Omeilan
- “Vegetables.” – Adam Riches
- “That isn’t demerara it’s muscavado.” – John-Luke Roberts
- “Stop telling me about oranges.” – Josie Long
- “Really? Now?” – Mark Watson
- “I do voodoo.” – Lucy Beaumont
October 15th, 1935
Have resolved that the best way to demonstrate my problems with the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics is by putting animals in boxes. Went to Homebase and bought a box.
October 16th, 1935
Put a goose in the box but the bastard kept spoiling it. “Is it alive or dead?”, I asked Agatha, my housemaid, with a quizzical look on my face and stroking my beard thoughtfully. Her reply was devastating. “It is clearly alive Herr Schrödinger. I can hear it honking”.
October 17th, 1935
Could not get a cow in the box.
October 18th, 1935
Managed to source an alpaca but they are uncooperative, willful creatures and poo a lot. Was able to get it in the box only if I got in with it, which defeats the object. Spent most of today cleaning alpaca poo out of the box.
October 19th, 1935
Got a chicken in the box but I closed the lid too quickly and accidentally killed it, invalidating the experiment. Had a lovely dinner today.
October 20th, 1935
Day off. Went to Homebase to look at glueless laminate flooring.
October 21st, 1935
Finally some success! Got a cat in the box. I have completely forgotten why I started doing this.